Single?

I don't understand y I'm having the hardest time excepting that I am single! Most people have a ball being single and love not having anyone in there space. I am FREAKIN pissed that I am alone and I can't figure out y. First I thought is was a low selfesteem issue and that I had to figure me out and thats y I'm single. Then I figured, it's my appearance, I'm 25 and dress way to conservative (plain) for my age, then I figured it's because I'm a single parent (no guy wants to raise another mans child).
I had an unrealistic goal to be married by 23 and become a mother of 2 by age 26 with a loving husband in this gorgeous house with 2 dogs surrounded by great friends with the awesome career and blah blah blah.
I didn't always want to get married, I was content having a lot of male friends but that was in high school, once I graduated I met my then fiance and we had our son and life was good. We had our apartment and planned the wedding and had dreams and goals to fulfill but then my fiance took ill and died and so did all our hopes and dreams.
Maybe I'm trying to fill this void for something I once had and can't let go.

I need a hobby!